I wannas sexs uuuuu
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
