Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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