who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
