Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize