The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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