Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
