So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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