i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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