No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
