i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How external is "for external use only"?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize