Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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