Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
