I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
