The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
A+ Viking dick
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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