I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
