just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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