haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
