I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
