You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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