I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Randomize
