you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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