Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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