Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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