my phone needs a breathalizer
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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