As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
