You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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