my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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