When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
