I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
