i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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