first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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