So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
