This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
we should paint friendship bongs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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