Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
