She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
