Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
