I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is Oprah even human
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
