how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
