Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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