seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
