It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
