Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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