she woke up with a sticky ear
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
