I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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