she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
