Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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