I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
