So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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