I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
