I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
