Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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