My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize