i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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