speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
