Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
