Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
