Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize