i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
