Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
