im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
