i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
