I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize