Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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