the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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