The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
