I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
