A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
